To All the Girls Who Haven’t Found Their People Yet

To All the Girls Who Haven’t Found Their People Yet
Photos taken by Madelyn Stone

You’ve probably heard the expression before, “You go to college to find your bridesmaids, not your husband.” 

Now that you’re in college, it sounds easier said than done. After finding an ideal roommate, you have high hopes they’ll be your first friend in college. 

You try the open-door trick on move-in day that always works in the movies. You mentally prepare yourself to give ‘the speech’ about where you’re from, your major and a fun fact that will start a conversation. 

However, despite your endless preparation, college isn’t like the movies. 

There aren’t many open doors, and people don’t go back and forth from each room, trying to get to know their neighbors. You feel slightly defeated that you didn’t make a friend on the first day. However, you chalk it up to the move-in day frenzy. 

You try again at the different freshmen orientation events. You walk around, looking for a friendly face. You awkwardly prompt the start of a conversation by complaining about the weather or asking which dorm they live in. 

Classes start, and you find yourself trying to keep up with the college pace – reading the syllabus, paying for textbooks, using meal swipes and making class friends. 

You’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other. 

You get swept into doing homework, taking care of yourself and joining clubs. You haven’t seen your friend from the first weeks of school in a while. College is different from high school; you don’t see your friends if you don’t make time for each other.

You might feel awkward reaching out after so long, but it’s all worth it. If they don’t answer you, it’s okay. At that moment, despite the embarrassment you feel, you grow. 

One thing about college is that everybody experiences loneliness: it’s a rite of passage. It might seem like you’re supposed to have it all figured out right when you step foot on campus, but the simple truth is you don’t. 

You’re allowed not to know what you’re doing or who you want to be. You’re allowed to make friends and lose them. It isn’t bad if you outgrow a friend you met at the beginning of the school year. It just means you’re slowly figuring it out. 

I can’t give you a proper timestamp on when your forever friends are coming your way, but I can advise you. 

For one, be yourself. I know you’ve heard this a million times, but it’s true. There’s no reason to hide your identity or your passions for somebody to like you. The right people will appreciate you for you. 

Secondly, quality over quantity. You’ve probably seen the Instagram posts of a group of friends, and you wonder how to get that. There’s no correct answer to that either. Trust your intuition in picking friends; you’re an extraordinary human who deserves to be surrounded by love and respect. 

Lastly, one of the biggest things that I cannot stress enough is that you should be your best friend first. At the end of the day, you’ll always have yourself. In college, you’ll face many adversities and face friendship quarrels that may feel heavy. 

You may lose yourself trying to find your place, but don’t forget about yourself. Go on independent excursions and use your alone time wisely by going outside or starting a new hobby. 

College is such a pivotal step in your life; it makes you feel like every decision you make impacts your future. Finding friends can be stressful and worrying, but the friends who are meant for you will come with time.

Harry Styles once said, “People destined to meet will do so, apparently by chance, at precisely the right moment.” 

Trust the process. If you ever feel lonely or worried, just think “your people” are out there wondering when they’ll meet theirs. 

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and don’t be scared to try new clubs or talk to a new person every day. It might feel scary, but soon enough, you’ll look back and laugh fondly about how you got to where you are now.